Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

SPYING IN SYDNEY

The front torpedo room of the HMAS Onslow, Oberon Class Submarine based at the National Maritime Museum. Cool uh?
I’m sorry Melbourne. I do hope you can forgive me. I cheated on you with Sydney. The trip was all very last minute you understand? The mission was to hop on a plane for a bit of R&R and to meet up with some of my favourite booze-hounds and online comrades, Therbatron, Abe Frellman and Dr Yobbo. I was flying QANTAS for the first time and quite excited. (yeah I know it’s sad all you worldly travellers out there but I didn’t get onto a plane until I was nearly 35 and have only ever flown on budget airlines) Additionally, I haven’t been to Sydney for a proper holiday since my family travelled there in 1981. My only other foray into this city was for a high school tour in 2001 and I was manacled by fifty kids and their musical instruments so there were limits to what I could do, naturellment. So anyways, after having a coronary hauling my luggage up the overhead pass of Moorooka train station and travelling with the great unwashed, I recover in time for the security checks at the airport. Next time I fly, I’m going wrapped in plastic. It’s mortifying having to virtually disrobe each time. The belt, the shoes and the jewellery are easy enough I guess but the titanium limb can be a real bitch.

My first impressions of the city were all to do with planes, trains and automobiles. Much of the airport run and the city trains are underground. In Brisbane we have two far-flung stations on the outskirts of the city centre. Sydneysiders have the luxury of at least eight city stations from which to choose...and they have double-decker trains! No fair. My second impression of the city was formed when I was nearly barrelled over by several heads-down-walking-texters within five minutes of being in the CBD. These bastards are everywhere in Sydney but the Gods were looking down on me that morning in Hyde Park when I spotted the businessman-variety step into a steaming pile of horse dung left by the constabulary. Thirdly, they've plenty of statues to molest.

Highlights:

1. Getting picked up in Pitt Street. Sadly, a guy used the same line of me the next day. They were hairdressing spruikers looking to flatter and relieve me of my cash.

2. Being constantly asked for directions and helping a bunch of tradies find their building site.

3. The peeling of the bells in St Mary’s Cathedral. AWSM.

4. Getting lost in The Rocks. Ask Therbs about that one!

5. Getting ‘Biebered’ in the pub. Don’t ask Dr Yobbo about that one.

6. The Clydesdale horse trumpeting his presence whilst hauling the Lowenbrau cart.

7. Spotting my doppelganger outside Town Hall. On closer inspection however, he appeared to have a lot more stubble than me.

8. Making loud and atrocious jokes walking by the Japanese Karaoke Restaurant with the mile-long queue. Must have been plenty of sucky in their sake uh?

9. Talking to the lovely volunteers on the Endeavour replica at the Maritime Museum.

10. Despairing that the HMAS Onslow tour didn’t have the whooping sirens. Depthcharge! Depthcharge!

30 comments:

Bangar said...

Sounds like a good trip Nat, Melbourne awaits!

Moko 2.0 said...

lol Cool.

Flinthart said...

Dang! I never got a tour of a submarine...

chazfh said...

Sounds like you had fun Nat.
Bit of trivia for ya. The RN stopped using the aft mounted torp tubes (in operations) in their oberons in around the 60's and instead used to store the beer ration there.

Domestic Daze said...

Wow, kind of weekend I dream about. Lovely to hear you had such a good time.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BANG: Loves Melbourne. Any excuse to go.

MOKO: I wish I could have seen you and Yobbo in the same room together :-D

FLINT: You would find it VERY difficult to get about in that thing. The bunks looked like they were built for midgets.

CHAZ: That is a cool fact. It was OK. Kinda sux travelling alone. Wish I could have afforded a longer stay still.

DD: Hi there Sue! Yes it was a rare event for me so I understand that restlessness to get away.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Oh and I failed to mention that I didn't get photos of the guys. Far out. I've been sober for over three months so the booze hit me hard.

Therbs said...

Nat, it was a blast. Biebering? Oh yeah...I'll leave that to Doc Y.
Ya didn't mention the Haloumi!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Where did that haloumi end up again? All I remember was stirring the waiter and giggling manically at you :-D

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Oh and thank you for not mentioning the 'Bridge Street Incident'....ahem :-D

Dr Yobbo said...

Fucking Bieber. He's to blame for everything. Even bad combovers and self-blocking toilets in Greek restaurants.

Bondiboy66 said...

Glad you had a good time! Shame I couldn't make it out for drinkies though. Doubtless the other chaps saw you right!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

YOB: Oh fork it's all coming back to me now. Shit. What phone did that picture end up on? I was warned to take it easy....

BONDI: Oh man I was sad not to hear from you :-[ Maybe next time!

Bondiboy66 said...

I was, for once in my life, overbooked I'm afraid. Had the little feller's school bbq to attend...and as it turns out to help set up, run a food stand yada yada. Oh, and eat their food and drink their booze. As you do. So flat out I forgot to at least send a text.

Yes, I suck!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

This shit happens comrade. I'll pin you down next time with more notice.

Dr Yobbo said...

I think it was Abe's phone that captured the Bobby Charlton Memorial Combover. Pity we couldn't get the slashers bouncer and the chair in shot at the same time

Albion Love Den said...

Well screw you - Melbourne had a good time without you, anyway. Bitch.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

YOB: The BCMC must be retrieved and suitably plastered all over the interwebz. I'm onto it.

ALD: Oh don't be such a fucking faffarse! Honestly.

YsambartCourtin said...

Our Nations Capital awaits. That is where you will find the best spy details, anyway.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BART: I was in Canberra about four years ago and I reckon it's time for another quickie. The only cities I haven't done are Perth and Darwin. Must recitify that.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BART: The BEST SPY DETAILS you say? I'm there.

Steve said...

Nat, wasn't it you that once said Canberra is only good for its selection of fireworks and adult toys? Or am I thinking of someplace else?

I've met Aussies here in the US from every major city on the coast (more or less) between Brisbane and Adelaide. None from Darwin and Perth. Do people from WA and the NT not travel internationally? Or do they just vacation in such prime spots as India and South Africa?

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

STEVE: That's the cliche about Canberra but I still love the place...and yes whilst most of us around here are either Bris/Mel/Syd we have Chaz from Perth and Drej from the Kimberley Region in far north Australia.

Dr Yobbo said...

What I want to know is - how come Frellman got his chopper out in a crowded Greek restaurant and yet it was you who the sniffy waiter dude got the irrits with??

Anonymous said...

Well i don't like to skite....

Abe

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

DOC: I really don't know what that waiter had against me...what do you think ABE?

Anonymous said...

I think it was all in your head.

Abe

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ABE: Yeah well it was the wrong restaurant for sake.

Anonymous said...

For mine the highlight was watching the impromptu watersports that ensued when the bog flooded.

Abe

RussiAmore said...
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