NOTE: Sadly, this episode will have to be transcribed. The conversation occurred sans video camera and the Mini-Spy refuses to mock it up, citing reasons of artistic merit or some such bullshit.
MINI SPY: I don’t know why I took that science elective last year. It was so bloody boring.
ME: Yeah I know what you mean. Science gets infinitely more interesting the older you get. I remember in high school looking at the table of elements in chemistry and thinking WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT? I. JUST. DON’T. GET. IT. If the teachers had said to me, ‘hey kids, guess what? There’s this big black funky hole out in space that sucks everything into to it’ I might have taken more notice.
MINI SPY: Yeah I love space. Science was so much more interesting in primary school. The teachers at our school suck. Except for Mrs Such-and-Such, she’s funny as. We had her for sex-ed in grade nine. She starts this lesson one day with just the word ‘nipples’.
ME: Oh you’ve got to be joking me?
MINI-SPY: Nuh. She said 'nipples’...the whole class just cracked up. She got majorly pissed off.
ME: Well what did she expect?
MINI-SPY: I know!
ME: I had the worst experience during sex education. We were stuck in this darkened auditorium and subjected to embarrassing films for half an hour and then my family doctor emerged, Doctor Pagliaro was his name. To this day I don’t know what possessed me, but I asked him this question in front of all the year eights, something along the lines of ‘how long does it have to be in there before it works’
MINI-SPY: (cue: guffawing uncontrollably)
ME: It was pretty bad. The room went silent.
MINI-SPY: You are SO embarrassing.
EPISODE ONE: 'MANNERS IN THE MORNING' CAN BE VIEWED HERE.