|Veronica successfully juggles career and family while still |
finding time to volunteer, exercise and shop at Sass and Bide.
I was driving the Mini-Spy and her friends home from school just recently and had a good chuckle as they impaled Jennifer Hawkins' latest Myer commercial on a flaming skewer of vitriol. Ms Hawkins, in a variety of stunning outfits, is filmed larking all over the place with her tai chi-style photo shoot on the beach. She’s perfect and every time she comes on the television I can feel the nation’s female population sigh in collective despair: which makes me shake my head in wonderment. Jennifer’s commercial does nothing to induce me to shop for clothes at the fucking omni-shambles that is Myer, but I digress. This fascination with perfection is a head-spin for both men and women if you ask me. The ones who frustrate me most are those that don’t expect it in themselves yet demand it in others. You should read some of the profiles on RSVP. For every guy that will settle for and take advantage of just about anything in a skirt you’ve got an equal amount of illiterate munters who demand nothing less than pouting lips, a DD cup and legs that go on forever.
I’ve removed myself from the world of online dating. It’s not for me. The mere process of meeting people in this manner fast-tracks all the good stuff: the initial random meeting, the shallow breathing and that dawning realisation that this guy rocks your world! (not to mention the slow burn that eats away at you until you can have him in a million wicked ways) None of that happens on RSVP because chemistry does not translate into pixels very well. Besides, when you’re sitting on your arse surfing dating sites you’re not actually engaging in much of an exciting life. Hermits don’t tend to pull. It’s time to get out there and leave it to fate, or whatever it is they say about such things. In hindsight, I might have had more luck on RSVP if I’d been more specific. I did set my preferences for men no more than ten years older than me but in the section labelled, ‘What I’m Looking For’ I wrote: I’d rather not be too specific in this section because then I might miss out on the opportunity to meet a really fantastic person. What I do know is that I am not interested in casual hook-ups. I would like to meet men that are interested in good old-fashioned dating. I have a soft spot for tall men. If I were ever inclined to return to RSVP I still wouldn’t be too stringent with my specifications but I would like to share a list with you dear reader, of some of my more ardent desires in the man department. Tell me if you spot him won't you?
1. A man that can out-do me in the verbosity stakes. Somebody as prone to hyperbole as me. I love wordsmiths. They’re my weakness.
2. A man that doesn’t sulk and can tell the difference between good-natured teasing and criticism. A man that will instead, find your funny bone: not your Achilles heel.
3. A man with sexy eyes who is into eye contact. He doesn’t have to be an Adonis but he does have to melt your pants off with one look.
4. A man that treats check-out chicks, barmen, cleaners and waitresses with respect.
5. A man with a slow hand. I hate being rushed in bed. Quickies are all well and good but we cannot survive on them alone. We’d rather talk to our friend in the bedside table.
6. A man that does stuff. And knows stuff.
7. A man that can handle a motor car. Nothing turns me off more than incompetent driving.
8. A man that would rather hear me playing piano than watch the TV all weekend.
9. A man who gets my jokes.
10. A man that can’t keep his eyes or hands off me. Including times when sex is not on the agenda.