Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


The EKKA is in town and Samantha and I will be prowling about there tomorrow or the day after to complete an important reconnaissance mission. For those of you scratching your head, the EKKA is the nickname for Brisbane’s ‘Exhibition’, originally conceived as a kind of country-meets-town fair in order for folks out west to exhibit their produce and livestock. Whilst its original purpose is still attended to, many go to the EKKA to sample grievous fast food and nauseating carnival rides.

As kids, my father approached the EKKA with extreme militancy. The routine would invariably schedule all the good stuff last therefore inducing us children to behave. After making a desultory attempt to admire some cows and pigs and giant walls of fruit and veg, finally we would be unleashed on sideshow alley. The day would conclude with browsing around the sample bag pavilion to purchase our allotted ‘three bag’ limit. I remember feeling like it was the biggest decision of my life.

This year I'm dusting off the stealth cameras to document the day. If you’re so inclined, orchestrate a photographic challenge for me. I'm prepared to subject myself to all manner of humiliation for your entertainment so be sure to check back. Time for some shits and giggles. Consider me at your service.


Dr Yobbo said...

I could never quite see the point of admiring the livestock and filled sponges. Not when there were hastily-lashed-together ferris wheels and carney-run dodgems and the fucking Holden Precision Awesome Team burning around on two wheels in beaten-up Dunnydoors painted to look like Brocky's Marlboro HDT Bathurst winners. (Ah, a simpler time. When cigarette advertising was king. Anyhow*...)

My challenge to you: snap one off of the most carneyest carney in all of carneyville. Preferably with durry hanging out the mouth given youse the bird you fucken city mole with all yer teeth and shit.

Girl Clumsy said...

You were allowed THREE showbags! Awesome!

As kids, we were allowed two - one candy bag; one novelty bag.

Best ever combo? The Super Smarties Bag, and the Young Talent Time bag (complete with mini-keyboard). Yep, 1987 was good times. ;)

I went to the Ekka last night and it was quite fun, to be honest. If you can appreciate the naff, it's a barrel of laughs!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

YOB: You got it! And yeah...those dodgems. The whiplash was worth it.

NAT: Funny. We used to envy the kids with five or more and moan about it for days! YTT? Crack-up :-D I was nuts for the Chokito bag for quite a few years running.

Anonymous said...

I challenge you to photograph the biggest sausage you can find.

And can you pick me up a Bertie Beatle bag too please babe?



Big Bad Al said...

OK now that I have drunk your Red cordial I want a photo of the Most Inala/Wal Mart type Bogan you can find... Preferably female but one of indeterminate gender will do.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ABE: It would be my pleasure. That sausage challenge is perfect. The Dagwood Dog is about to go DOWN!

AL: I said pet. I said love. I said pet. That's fabulous. Maybe I can even ferret into a pram and take a photo of a real live pig-baby.

caldron_baidu said...

here's my photo op challenge -
to capture the most sublime moment
of 'culture'; a private moment of carnie-dom
engaged in the fine arts (or best approximation)

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Very thoughtful. Thank-you sir. I shall valiantly attempt to find a carnie whittling away with a plug in his mouth :-D

yankeedog said...

County/State Fair time here too. We just had the Mississippi Valley Fair here. Same stuff as EKKA, just different smell (well, not so different, probably).

I don't WANT to see pics-I HAVE to see pics from EKKA!

Do they have musical acts at EKKA? We had ZZ Top here at the MSF. Last year was Ted Nugent. Nuge would seem to fit some of the fairgoers (not that I don't enjoy Terrible Ted's music, mind you).

Good luck!

Steve said...

Back on Journalspace, I wrote about a game I played called County Fair Bingo, where you checked off all the redneck things you could see. Since Bogan culture translates well, look for:

-Babies/toddlers drinking cola beverages from bottles/sippy cups.

-Carnies with any sort of prosthetic limb (make sure they're not a war vet, that would be sad; tractor/roller coaster mishaps only)

-Thong underwear exposed on the ladies.

-Extreme Dental Issues

You get the point. Make your own game of Bingo for what you're likely to see, and you and Sam each take a card and see who wins. And photograph the losers. Err, I mean "subjects."

MrScribbler said...

Sounds like the local County Fair, to which my siblings and I were dragged every year. Every damned year.

The rides were tame, the food greasy, and the whole was covered with a heavy coating of dust and powdered animal dung. Good times!

My sole memory of those years is of drinking fresh-from-the-goat milk. My father insisted I try it. The back seat of his car smelled of recycled goat milk for years; just couldn't scrub it all out of the upholstery....

NowhereBob said...

Most prominant / pendulous bollocks.
Preferrably on a bull, but not exclusively

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

NB: I think we may have discussed this on your last visit but I have quite the affection for a good set of former father-in-law's job was to fortify the balls of the bulls in Rockhampton - Beef Capital of Queensland. It was quite the bucks night tradition to steal a pair on a dare. I'd be happy to scout out an impressive scrotum.

SCRIBS: Now that is a real country fair disaster...rancid milk in a car? Oh the humanity!

STEVE: The prosthetic limb is a brilliant idea! As for the other shots...I reckon I could snap all of those deep on the southside of Brisbane.

YANKEE: Now I knew you would appreciate a photo essay! I shall have plenty to show.

Anonymous said...

Well, seeing as how EKKA sounds like some kind of demented frog you guys would get up there in QLD, how about a photo of a demented frog?

Not quite sure how you are going to achieve that.


Natalia the Russian Spy said...

NAUT: Crappy ceramic frogs usually feature in markets but I'll see what I can do Tony. Nice to see you again.

Bondiboy66 said...

Brisbane's version of the Royal Easter Show eh? We took the little bloke there this year at the new Homebush site...not a patch on the old showgrounds I'm afraid, but ticked all the bogan/redneck boxes anyway!

As nughty teenagers, my friends and I decided the Countdown Showbag and it's attendant sale stand was an affront to our we decided throwing a smoke flare into the stand was going to be good for a laugh. And it was too! You could try for something like that I guess Nat (although probably not). Subjecting yourself to all manner of humiliation does leave the door open for some rather inappropriate suggestions I might add. Not from me though!!

Another suggestion - rednecks from out in the sticks love getting on the piss at the bar(s)at the show. How about a snap of the drunkest cow cockie/farmer you can find?

Oh and Abe, my youngest sister-in-law asked that we get her a Bertie Beetle showbag and mail it to her in Singapore!

YsambartCourtin said...

I would like: "best look of concentration on someone trying to get a free goldfish" - If the RSPCA hasn't shut that down yet.

or "best look of terror on ride"

or "best look of queasiness just after ride"

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BART: Those are great. Thanks!

BONDI: What a great excuse to be drinking beer in the middle of the day. Fabulous suggestion. Also...the requests are all do-able so far. The only one I may have difficulties with is eating the sausage with a straight face :-D

Steve said...

Bart's comment about the goldfish is absolute gold. I can't imagine how ridiculous my brother and I may have looked when he and I once played a carnival game together in a (successful) effort to win both of my girls a prize.

And how even more ridiculous we looked when he and I were hoisting the baby Shrek and a stuffed bear like we had just won the Stanley Cup or the Ashes. All we needed was a champagne shower and cigars.

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