Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

A BUNCH OF REASONS WHY LIVING ALONE ROCKS!

1. You can sloth about the house in bra and undies without fear of ridicule or molestation.

2. If you couldn’t be bothered cooking and just want cereal for dinner, nobody is going to complain.

3. You can verbally abuse the television or have a conversation with yourself and no-one is there to make inferences about your sanity.

4. You will never asphyxiate on the overwhelming stench of sulphur and Lynx deodorant again.

5. You can do your ridiculous exercise routine in the lounge without an audience.

6. You can do your more embarrassing grooming rituals without barricading the bathroom door.

7. You can find all of your possessions when needed because nobody has decided to pile everything into the miscellaneous kitchen drawer.

8. You can spend hours admiring your floor to ceiling bookshelves and nobody will think you’re mad as a cut snake.

9. You don’t have to endure a clash in furniture and decor. Everything is to your taste.

10. You will never find toenail clippings stashed down the back of the couch.

11. You will never have to explain who is who and what they’ve just said in a period drama.

12. You will never have to endure interviews with Rugby League players again.

13. You are free to ogle Australian Rules players without consequence.

14. You will never have to share your couch with a snoring drunk at 7.30pm.

15. You will never be tempted to trim the moustache of that snoring drunk from sheer boredom.

16. You will never have to attempt to sleep with sound of porn booming through surround speakers in the next room.

17. You get to do all the cool jobs around the house like changing light bulbs, opening tight lids on jars, mowing lawns and fixing cars.

18. You will always have the last word.

19. Nobody is going to lecture you about carbon emissions should you happen to spend hours on the end on the phone talking about nothing.

20. You will never find your housemate sniffing his underwear in the dirty clothes basket.

19 comments:

Dr Yobbo said...

21. You can get cats. Lots and lots of cats. And then some more cats.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Hate cats. That is all :D

Barnesm said...

Plus you get to put on the TV, Computer, radio, stereo exactly what you want, when you want and how loud you want.

No one can critize your taste for what you want to watch, listen to or read.

Dr Yobbo said...

This will limit your potential career as a crazy cat lady, Nat. And you showed so much promise pet!

Actually I found your problem right there in #4 - NEVER date losers who use Lynx. If they're dumb enough to fall for the bone-headed bogan misogyny of their ads, and olfactorarially challenged enough to think the shit is subtle and attractive, they're fucking basket cases.

Therbs said...

22. You don't get criticised for experimenting with beer and ice-cream.
23. No-one will know that you're secretly training an army of cockroaches as part of your evil plan for world conquest.

Albion Love Den said...

I like how you were demure enough to suggest you still kept the bra and knickers on.

My personal joy when solo is the art of creative farting.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

THERBS: Darlin'! I knew you would understand. That is all.

YOBS: Yes, YEs....YES.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ALBION: All I can say is !!!!!!!!

Farting is an art not to be messed with :D

Mayhem said...

I'm with ALD, was kind of wondering why you'd bother with the underwear...

24. Watch whatever you like on telly without being judged.

jennicki said...

NICE!

Steve said...

It's a requirement of everyone in society, you MUST have a "junk drawer" in the kitchen where everything goes that doesn't already have a category! That doesn't make me a bad person. Don't you judge me!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

MAYHEM: Because I live on a main road and often have the front door open! :D

JEN: Cheers!

STEVE: Yeah but you wouldn't put your wife's mascara and tweezers in there would you? :D

Bondiboy66 said...

I can totally dig and relate to this. Except the bra and panties bit....(except for that one time...).


25. Day off, beer for breakfast? Yeah sure, why not.

Bangar said...

Pure quiet bliss of doing what you want when you want, how you want.

Steve said...

No, that's silly, mascara and tweezers goes on the coffee table, and/or the glovebox in the car.

YsambartCourtin said...

Living alone was very bad for all my future flatmates. Because, after living alone, I know it IS them! My systems do all work! They work really well. The compromises they want ARE crap, and I do know what I am talking about :)

Anneal said...

sniffing HIS underwear?????

C'mon...get outta town!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ANNEAL: Yes indeed. To see if he could get away with wearing them three days in a row!

BART: I'm with you on that theory.

STEVE: Shit. Maybe that's where I will find those missing tweezers...though I swear I wasn't driving and plucking officer!

Steve said...

As long as you don't pronounce it "ossifer," you're sure to get out of a ticket by smiling and batting the eyelashes.

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