Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Thursday, January 8, 2015


THE WIZARD OF OZ by L. Frank Baum


I just bit that fugly biaatch next door. Then she conks me over the head with a rake. No-one gives a FCK ‘cept 4 Dorothy.

Biaatch dognapped me. Said the pleece gave her the nod to smash me over the head with a brick. When the time comes I’ll maul her snatch.

Hairy muff dive FTW!

Me and Dorothy ran away but some dude that stunk like cabbage made her cry and go home. Just in time cos big black clouds r brewing. I hate storms.

WTF? Suddenly I’m not colour blind anymore.

There’s a bunch of short arses harassing me with lollipops. Least I can sniff their crotches no problemo.

Bet that MILF in the sequins smells like chocolate. I’d so hit that.

Scores! Dorothy just got a fancy new pair of shoes. Can’t wait to piss in them. The fugly biaatch has a twin. W/e.

Off 2 find body parts & spare pair of nuts. Wish straw boy wld STFU. Ditto 4 bucket head & whining rug. Can’t a dog lick his balls in peace?

It’s hard to keep up when you’ve only got little legs. Can we pls go home now??? #FML

Not until we find the fugly biaatch and bring back her fluorescent dildo says the big green mouth in the steam room. Kinky.

Prolly have better chances finding prOn starring nasty lions, tigers and bears on the interwebz. ROFL!

Scored a mystery flight on Gorilla Airlines. L8R!

Fail frosted with arse.* Gorillas working 4 Fugly Biaatch. Dorothy locked up in her den of iniquity. I’ll never get to piss in those shoes.

Must piss in shoes. Must piss in shoes. Must piss in shoes. Time to fetch straw boy & bucket head. Maybe the rug has grown a pair.

Wet T-shirt competition sorts out Fugly. Problem is she only has a strap-on. Hope that big old green mouth is into that sort of thing.

I can sniff an arse a mile off. Big green mouth is nuthin but smoke & mirrors. Least the dude behind the curtain can give us a lift. #PWND

Uh-oh. My bad. Couldn’t resist the pussy. Now we’re stuck in this FKN hell 4ever. Who’d have thunk I’d miss the smell of Aunty Em’s crotch?

MILF suggests to Dorothy that her new shoes have secret powers. GTFO! Hope the puddle of piss doesn’t electrocute her.

This bed smells like cheese. There’s no place like home.

*© Dr Yobbo


Barnesm said...


Now do Macbeth

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Ha! Nah Mr B...Alexander Aciman and Emmett Rensin have already beat me to it. This is a new series I'm writing based on the idea from their book 'Twitterature'...which rewrites the classics as tweets. I am busy scouring the net for films and books ubiquitous enough to be dealt a twitter-punch.

yankeedog said...

Awesome! Now do 'War and Peace'!

This reminds me of the old 'If World War II had been an RTS game' bit, which could be found here:

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Churchill: WTF? The luftwaffle is attacking me!

Thanks for that buddy. Laughed myself stupid!

YsambartCourtin said...

I got it after a the first couple - but I'm missing something or having a dunderhead moment - wasn't the dog's name Toto?.. Wait, no - the formatting threw me. The intro para's were off to the left on the picture, and I assumed they were adverts and I started reading in the wrong place. Now it makes sense! Bothersome formatting...

YsambartCourtin said...

Good stuff, I enjoyed it once I figured out the formatting correctly :)

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Cheers gorgeous! Yeah it's amazing how different my blog looks on the work computer. I have a wide-screen so whilst it may look good from my end it usually looks pretty crowded on smaller monitors. I adjusted the image size anyways...and yes I changed the title of the post to TOTO TWEETS to avoid confusion. The name of the series is TOLSTOY TWEETS THE TOMES...which you can find in the menu to the left.

Dr Yobbo said...


Shit still have 136 characters spare. Erm...

Nah got nuthin

Bangar said...

Thanks Nat, a good laugh.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

Think I might change the name of the series to TOLSTOY TWEETS THE TALES so I can cover both books and movies.

YOB: Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

BANG: My pleasure good man :D

Flinthart said...



Not bad!

Lets see some James Bond!

Bondiboy66 said...

That was Fucken Excellent!

How about Lord of the Rings?
Or something by the Birmingham bloke?
1984 perhaps?

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BONDI: I'd considered that Birmingham bloke but then Dr Yobbo pointed out that it might go like SHOOT WAVE EXPLODE KILL NUKE TORTURE KILL SHOOT EXPLODE PREP FOR SEQUEL :D

LERM: I hadn't considered BOND. Great idea.

DIRK: I knew you'd like the fluorescent green dildos.

Damian said...

Lol, great :)

Havock21 said...

fkn wicked....anything with Cappin fuckers and unwashed ferals would be gold too

Steve said...

Bondi beat me to my idea....definitely do Tolkein. Maybe in the order he wrote them. The Hobbit, followed by the trilogy.

Or, for a real "The Breakfast Club," but do it from multiple POV's...first the principal, then Bender, then Brian, and then Claire. You know if they had cell phones small enough to take to school in the 80's, Claire would be all over Social Media.

Moko said...


Natalia the Russian Spy said...

MOKO: Said like a PRO :D

STEVE: Ah you know I love that film but I'm not so sure I could make it funny. The reason this one works is that Toto would be completely UNlikely to tweet! Also Moko has pointed me to a humourous website diary of the characters from Lord of the Rings...sadly it's been done to death.

HARRY: Shall I make you the star?

DAMIAN: Thanks buddy!

Steve said...

Geekologie had a series of fake Facebook profiles and posts using LOTR characters, was that it?

OK, scrap Claire tweeting. Have Bender tweet.

"Just saw Claire's panties. They look like grannies. She needs a wax."

Therbs said...

Nat, that is fucking tops! Laugh? Oh yeah! And shat.

Havock21 said...

OH fkn PLEASE know its worth about a bazillion fkn hits and JB will have it Archive in the Library...CO's I AM A FKN GOD SPANKY!

Anonymous said...

did not know you were also spy, comrade. am still typing with pencil in mouth, so no caps. hope to get sympathy at party for hi tech victims. will have catheter on penis and drain out trouser leg. only i hope some liquid refreshment glasses are placed onto floor next to those imbibing. will drain catheter into glasses. will stand off to witness facial expressions of capitalists trapped by bad habits. this should be fun unless victim has propensity for guzzling yellow liquid. must have not met your talented self due to compartmentalisation of spy functions. if you have desire for window into my achievements as spy for beloved motherland, you google 'yuri_nahl', then later, you google sme name and click 'i'm feeling lucky. this is corn ball blog but i am old geezer, and only used to ibm 360 and other electronic dinosaurs. well comrade hopr soon to have voice activated typing software as mouth is killing me. have to post as annon, since i don't have clue about this other shit.

Simon said...

This is what happens when I get wrapped up in playing Dragon Age on my Xbox for six weeks. Still, I got to read it in the end – a work of art.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

SIMON: Who knew the modern vernacular could be such a beautiful thing? :D

ANON: You crack me up...if not scare me a little!

HARRY: I shall alert your fan club :D

THERBS: Honey! Fanks!

STEVE: Too much!

Anonymous said...

Defenitely not Chopin.
Bastardised dats 'im...

Anonymous said...

Heroin Ddicts have a time signuture prblem?
See dat?
Addicts lose time.
Time is important in music.
Really is...

DCAja said...

a great post so far!

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