As a mildly modern, socially responsible type of person, I was quietly confident that I had expunged most ‘isms’ from my attitudes. I don’t indulge in racism, sexism or ageism and I once tried fundamentalism but didn’t like the outfits. Well it has come to my attention that I need to address a new ‘ism’ of which I’m guilty. A prejudice against good-looking people: spunkism. I hate you all! I was browsing through KWOFF this morning when I happened upon an article about the new social networking site beautifulpeople.com which is essentially a dating service for gorgeous guys and gals only. Apparently potential members need to upload a photo of themselves before being eligible to create an account. So in a grand moment of disillusion I think to myelf ‘I must try this!’ (being the glutton for punishment that I am) and sure enough I was rejected with a resounding ‘Nope. Not good enough love.’ Well blow me! Fuck you beautiful people and your inner sanctum! Fuck you all with your glossy hair, symmetrical features and well-turned ankles!
So what are the creators of this website saying? I’ll tell you what they’re saying. They’re saying the rest of us who are short, flat-chested, bald, knock-kneed and unsymmetrical are not worthy of love. We are left marginalised, disempowered and oppressed. I guess that’s nothing new though is it? Botticelli, Raphael, Manet and Matisse all preferred the pretty lasses. How do you think the Venus de Milo lost her arms? Knocked off no doubt in a jealous fit by a woman whose arms looked like a string bag full of camembert. Only great humanitarians like Rubens dared to paint overweight women; Picasso at least made women with flat heads and pointy noses feel good about themselves. Then there’s Michelangelo’s sculpture of David isn't there boys? Ahem.
You have to ask yourself what will our society be like if we continue to judge people by their spunk quotient. Will all the people with wonky noses by forced to live under bridges; will people who have acne have to ride in the last train carriage; are we creating a huge underclass of people with unmanageable nasal hair? Honestly! I believe people that have been denied positions to model underwear because they have beer guts should have legal redress. And be generously compensated.
Now for those of you who have been reading this blog for some time know that this isn’t the first occasion that I have despaired about perfection in others. Back in 2007* I wrote an article chronicling the favouritism beautiful people received at my place of work, specifically a young spunk who enjoyed preferential treatment in that he routinely failed to turn up to shifts and was never admonished. I clearly remember a most astute observation made by Girl Clumsy: ‘The worst thing, though, is when beautiful people are also really nice, or really talented. I mean, come on. If you're naturally stunning, then at least have the decency to be a total shit, or at least dumb.’ You bet your ass! You can only console yourself with being witty, mildly brainy and having a good body for so long folks. Just look at Venus and weep.
*For the sake of nostalgia I have inserted some memorable comments in response to my original whinge below. And don't visit that bloody site!