Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

URBAN INVESTIGATION

If it weren't for the benefit of having a calendar I dare say, going by the weather alone, I'd be hard pressed to distinguish what time of year it was here in Brisbane. Lately we've been experiencing the most amazing fluctations in temperature and conditions. Last week the thermometer wobbled around 32 degrees accompanied by hot and dry northerlies and warm evenings. I'd no sooner packed away the doona when the weather reverted back to freezing rains and top temps of 14 degrees. Once upon a time the weather would abruptly change with a new season and cues in the natural world would invariably be reliable. As a child, I remember granny standing in the backyard, straining her eyes skyward, nodding sagely and proclaiming 'Red sky at night, sheperd's delight. Red sky at morning, sheperd's warning' Unfortunately when pressed, Gran had to admit that was really about the extent of her wisdom, apart from something about ants and wet weather which her Dad had told her and she couldn't quite remember. This is probably the last snippet of ancient folklore which connects urban Aussies to their surrounds. Country folk like Hughesy probably have a few more tales to tell: when spiders come indoors rain is on its way; when kookaburras laugh in the evening wet weather isn't far behind and if waterbirds build their nests low in the trees a drought is expected. But for we urban dwellers kookaburras are in short supply and the only thing indicating Spring has arrived is the amount of blokes wearing their footy jerseys to work. Despite this, city folk are a lot more canny about the weather than they realize. Here are my predictions of natural phenomena based on subtle signs in the urban environment.
The appearance of hastily made signs advertising cheaply made Chinese umbrellas (often spelt incorrectly and sporting a redundant apostrophe) is an indication that the weather channel predicted fine conditions and it's been pissing down cats and dogs since lunchtime.
The sight of big blokes dressed in Santa suits is a sign that Xmas is on the way. But it also may indicate the first few weeks of October.
The completion of renovations to a hotel beer garden will often indicate the impending arrival of subartic winds or in some cases, the likelihood of a freak fire that will gut the entire building.
An influx of international rock bands who are prepared to do concerts in Cairns is one way to tell it's winter in the northern hemisphere.
The appearance of current affairs reporters with hairy chests in open-necked shirts hoping to bust people breaching water restrictions in your neighbourhood indicates the area is in drought. Or it could just mean there's a poor toothless family next door abusing animals.

7 comments:

Steve said...

*Checking Cheap Trick's 2009 tour schedule to check for stops in Cairns*

chazfh said...

Kooks laughing in the evening is just them showing how evil they are in disturbing those who have to get to bed early or are trying to watch TV.

Bottom line is THEY DON"T CARE! Mate of mine used to have a family of the buggers that'd sit on the hoist and have a good joke at any time of the day

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

STEVE: If only!

CHAZ: A kookie skimmed across our family's above-ground pool when I was a kid and made a right royal mess.

Steve said...

And I'm assuming this fire was aided by the close proximity to high-octane Russian liquors?

Domestic Daze said...

And today - rain! Maybe, possibly, well hopefully.

Abe said...

I can feel it in my waters when the stock market is about to tank.

Yes, I've successfully predicted twelve of the last two market corrections.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

STEVE: There were several explosions!!!

DD: Yeah it's been funny old weather...rain this Saturday morning...now clearing. I've been checking Melbourne weather and it appears to be hot and cold alternately.

ABE: Ha!!! Legend!!!

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