Caricatures and Portraits: It's important to remember that your portrait will never look anything like you. The expression will be slightly pained, eyes will be shifty and anxious. This is because while you are sitting for it the fifty-odd onlookers that have gathered will be whispering 'he'll never get that wonky nose right' and 'I wonder if he'll draw in those furrows between the eyebrows?' I guess one consolation is you now have a matching set with your drivers license.
Granny Goods: This includes gum leaf jewellery, padded lace tissue boxes, chipped tea cups and saucers, Xmas t-shirts with bells and ribbons sewn on, lavender sachets, padded coathangers and embroidered face washers. Nobody under sixty wants this shit. Nobody over sixty wants it either which is why they're trying to sell it. Don't torture your elderley loved ones with this crap. Most grannies prefer gifts of cash, spirits or white goods. I know mine would.
Fortune Tellers: It's best to be wary of the predictions made by cross-eyed weirdos called Natasha with a cheap sarong thrown over a trestle table. Just consider the practical difficulties of making contact with Grey Wolf, an American Indian spritual guide who rides a piebald mare, when there isn't a car parking space in a five kilometre radius. Besides, like carnival folk, they smell like cabbage.
Knick-Knacks: This includes spice racks and keyring holders. If you look hard enough I'm sure you'll find these things in your shed still sitting there since the day they were bought. Sometime back in 1992 along with the 'Hello Kitty' mobile phone cover and ceramic frog.