Friday, August 7, 2009
Not only does there seem to be such a shortage of men in the Australian mining sector but there appears to exist a shortage of womenfolk in country areas as well. Trends indicate however, that city women are slowly migrating to the outback. About a year ago when I was still working at the wireless, my radio presenter interviewed a lady from an agricultural college in regards to the large amount of city girls presently enrolling to become jillaroos. That’s what we like to call cowgirls down here in Australia. Of course she went on to make a connection with the television program McLeod’s Daughters but she also mentioned a ‘sheila shortage’ in the Australian outback and a ‘man drought’ in the cities. I suppose if the amount of seemingly normal women prepared to debase themselves on the national television program Farmer Wants A Wife is any indication, then I guess there is. Rather than build a massive pipeline to carry men from the country to the city or construct a huge plant to convert seawater to men, or even install tanks to collect men that fall from the sky I suppose we’ve no choice but to herd up all the reasonably attractive women desperately searching for a husband and ship them off to the Australian outback. We have to do something to stop our country from falling to pieces! Do you really want to see your taxes wasted on a future generation of loveless, bitter spinsters who thought they were too bloody good for Mt Isa? No. I didn’t think so. Now I’m certain some of you would say a man drought is no great catastrophe; that a woman can get along perfectly well without a man, that her value isn’t dependent on how good in bed she is or whether she makes a decent cuppa or not. Yeah well show me a woman who doesn't want a man and I'll show you naked glossy of Germaine Greer. And I don't think any of us would want that. As any good Catholic girl knows, men and women were made for each other, and there’s a very good chance that this man drought is angering God, and I think we've made God angry enough now don’t you? What with divorcees and pornography and Kyle Sandilands and everything. The marriage rate is now the lowest on record. Do we really want a nation of lovesick geographically challenged singles? Think about it. There are many reasons why marriage remains the foundation for our modern society. It has been proven by scientists that when the state of lust wears off in about six months, humans need powerful deterrents to stop them following home entire softball teams or running away with Man Power. Let’s face it. If there were no husbands, women would have to nag house plants. If there were no wives, men would have absolutely no excuse for ever leaving the pub. Without marriage the entire fabric of Australian society would break down. So come on girls! Do it for your country. Marry a farmer today! Besides...enduring a life of hard labour is a small price to pay for having someone to blame for ruining the rest of your life. Ahem.