Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

JUST BLOW IT UP

All hell had broken loose. In the guise of a female warrior clad in chain-mail and armed with a broadsword and magic bow and arrow, she spent some forty hours on a deadly rampage through the endless corridors of a dungeon, slaughtering any unfortunate beast that crossed her path. Skeleton kings, poison-spitting mutants, half man-half bats, undead apparitions all fell before her merciless onslaught. And still she pushed on down to the lava caves, determined to further descend to the bowels of hell and kill the demon they call Diablo. ‘Reach out and turn off the computer girl.’ ‘Mum. I don’t think that I can.’ Whenever my daughter Sam is hankering for a bit of retro-gaming, she reaches for the Doom or the Diablo2. After mastering Grand Theft Auto at the age of ten, she started telling me how to drive. We’d be waiting at a set of lights and she’d suggest I drive over the nature strip instead of waiting. Then she seemed to grow out of this destructive phase and she got hooked on creating households in SIMS for most of grade eight. Now she’s sixteen and seems nonplussed about the latest games. Ever since the PlayStation was taken out by a freak lightning strike a couple of years ago, she’s been forced to do her all her gaming on the PC. I came home from a long visit with my mother on the weekend to find she’d been on a Diablo marathon. Apparently she took the phone of the hook, ignored visitors, refused meals and played on and on until she was seeing double. Do you think she was consumed with guilt about the glorious day passing her by? No-uh. Was she wasting time? I don’t know. How does playing games endlessly compare with sitting in the sun on a banana lounge with a book for an entire day? Perhaps it was just my Catholic guilt which demanded every thing I did in life should be bent to a higher purpose. Playing Diablo she rationalised, did have a higher purpose. She was increasing her manual dexterity and honing her spatial skills. If ever Holland Park was invaded by a murderous gang of magma beasts hurling fireballs, she was ready! Anyway I’ve got the shits with the diabolical soundtrack. Just because she’s unable to resist a souped up version of Dungeons and Dragons at 3am in the morning doesn’t mean I’ve got to bloody well put up with it. I’m on the internet right now. I’m going to the Diablo Cheat Zone, cast an invisibility spell then proceed directly to whatever level of hell it is and dispatch Diablo on her ass. I must away. The Evil One awaits!

16 comments:

YsambartCourtin said...

This one leans right into philosophy. What is the point of life? What is a waste of time, and what is worthwhile? is reading a book in the sun more valid that in front of the box?

To my mothers point I played to much on my computers, and played to many pen and paper RPG's. But with my computer skills I've never been out of employment for any length of time, and my friends who I play 'silly games' with are respected professionals who I visit all over the country and world. My parents, in contrast, have not kept up with any of their friends of ages past.

Games aren't perfect and not every gamer is great: I tell people to watch for simple negative actions and clearly nasty habits: Did she do anything negative or nasty in order to get that game time? Is she Vitamin D deficient due to being in that room too much?

Bondiboy66 said...

Like Bart, I still keep in contact with my gaming/school mates of old (even though I only play the odd PC game these days). All of them are high paid, professional, smart guys (ermm...unlike me).

Mind you, I have attended many games tournaments over the years, and a bigger collection of unwashed geek losers you will never meet ('skanky gamers' being the preferred term in our little coterie of friends).

Steve said...

Gaming was a lot of fun, but I was one of many who always blamed the controller, and in a fit of temper I took out the family Nintendo back in the late 80's. Realizing that a similar episode with the family computer would be a bit more expensive, I slowed down a bit. I still like to kill Germans on the Playstation, but I reserve the computer for checking hockey scores. Oh, and work I suppose.

chazfh said...

Poor old SammyGirl to have a mother who yearns for the simplicity of the edwardian era!!!!

Dr Yobbo said...

Last games I lost significant time to - by which I mean years - were Goldeneye 007 and Road Rash N64. It helped that they were designed to be multiplayer (the N64 had 4 controllers - though two of ours were ex Theft Converters and waaayyy dodgy to use) and we had plenty of peeps, beers and tunes to make the most of the gaming win. The solo gaming thing I didn't get as much into, not since I was your girl's age anyway.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

CHAZ: Ha! Up your bum!!!

YOB: Yeah solo gaming bores the crap out of me too.

STEVE: Ooooo I'd love to see a Junior Steve tanty!

BART: Ah yes some simple rules...I shall apply the negative and nasty criteria elsewhere.

BONDI: I had no idea that elitism occured in the gaming world. And in regards to the last line in your first paragraph...surely you were referring to the pay and not the latter?

Domestic Daze said...

This is why I ensure all kids are under the impression my computers are in no way cool enough to run games. Any games. Yes, I can be a very good actress when I want to be.

chazfh said...

Nat, you promised you'd never refer to that incident again!!

Guru Bob said...

Sounds great to me!!! I have to sneak out of our place and go to a skanky LAN Games place in town to get my fix of Company of Heroes or Left 4 Dead. Usually on my own although I recently indicted Barnes and Struggers into the pleasures of L4D multiplayer on LAN...

At home I just have to make do with the lame games on Facebook and Evony which don't quite cut the mustard - although Chaz seems to be all over them as well...

Steve said...

This was back when the Nintendo had a cartridge that you slid into a slot and then pushed down on a spring. Funny, when you punch the Nintendo, it breaks the spring lock, so I had to use another game cartridge to hold the first one in place.

Switching to CD's was the best thing gaming could have ever done.

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

BOB: Hey! How ya doin'??? Glad to have you back. You are really one of a kind...I had no idea men had to sneak out to get their fix ;-)

CHAZ: Yeah well it's out there now BACK DOOR MAN!

DD: Ha! I pretend my DVD doesn't work so Sam can't install SIMS3!!!

STEVE: I bet you were popular with your brothers.

Anneal said...

...

Bondiboy66 said...

No Nat I'm not that smart. Lord knows I ain't rich!

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ANNEAL: You were saying...????

BONDI: I've seen you with your smartie pants on!

Anneal said...

Sorry nat...please excuse Me...(just a little gas here)

Natalia the Russian Spy said...

ANNEAL: Riiiiiight.

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