Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

EFFING EFF ME BOOTS

Well blow me! I've got money to spend and absolutely nowhere to spend it. Having lived frugally these last few years I've finally come into a bit of dosh (after the sale of the house) and have put aside some green stuff for a splurge. Found me a trenchcoat (a la Peter Sellers) and a classy pant suit, a few tight pencil skirts and some frilly blouses but alas and alack no appropriate footwear to finish off the new ensembles. So in earnest I went in search of some knee-high boots. *big loud drawn-out sighs* I'll be damned if I could find any. Most appear to be made for women with the calves the size of a Chinese wrestler giving you that sloppy gum-boot look or the skanky type with heels nine inches long with legs ending up somewhere around your woo-hoo. Then there's the wanna-be biker chick style with thousands of extraneous chains and buckles. Arggh! All I want is a classy form fitting pair in a soft leather with a three inch heel.

19 comments:

NowhereBob said...

Would you get them with a trail of entranced & enslaved men in your trail, or does that come later?
I'm sure Lermentov could direct you to a disreputable purveyor of fine FMBs. I'd recomend meeting him early in the day though - certainly well before cocktail hour.

Girl Clumsy said...

D'ya know where I ended up getting my awesome new boots from?

...

Kmart.

Seriously. And they're perfect.

yankeedog said...

"I've got money to spend and absolutely nowhere to spend it."

"I've got nothing to do and all day to do it
So, I go out cruisin', but I've no place to go
And all night to get there

Now, I'm a jet-fuel genius
I can solve the world's problems without even trying
I got dozens of friends, and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying

Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?
Ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands
It's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands
And it's ticking away - ticking away from me"

Sorry-channeled Styx for a moment.

Good luck with the boot search. I think you could find something like what you're looking for at a store here. Unfortunately, 'here' is a loooong way from where you're at.

YsambartCourtin said...

I could imagine you in these :)

http://www.mainlymedieval.com/store/product_info.php?cPath=129_48_131&products_id=670

The Rhino said...

Mmmmmmmmm ....

OK ... back now.

Oh, wait.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

I need a moment.

uamada said...

http://www.shoesonline.com.au/shopping/images/gogo300_blkpu.jpg
(bit clunky)
or
http://www.shoesonline.com.au/shopping/images/domina2000_blpu.jpg
(5 inch heels but)
or
http://www.shoe-shop.com/invt/modwynbkl?AID=10362883&PID=1747061
(over the knee but cool - but you need to buy online)
or
http://www.betts.com.au/catalogue/Betts_Knee_High_Boots/SUKI.aspx
or
http://www.betts.com.au/catalogue/Betts_Knee_High_Boots/SLEAKY.aspx
or
http://www.betts.com.au/catalogue/Betts_Knee_High_Boots/PUSSYCAT.aspx

(Betts have shops all over)

Moko said...

If you've got enough money and a balaclava you could get hand crafted dugong boots.

Just putting it out there...

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

U: I had no idea about BETTS! Thank you so much. You're a bleedin' expert ;-)

MOKO: Not the dugong! :-( Me loves dugongs!!!

BOB: A most beguiling thought...entranced and enslaved men *sighs* I think I may be able to work up the motivation to continue the search ;-)

RHINO: Oh there you are! What on earth brings you here? hehehehehe

BART: Whoa! I was so desperate I ended up in a saddlery store yesterday that specialised in riding clothes and boots...saw a pair not too disimilar to those...but in brun...!

YANKEE: I see you have the same disease as me...a brain that latches onto songs at any moment!!!

GC: You must be one of these lucky girls with narrow feet. Last pair I bought from Kmart just about killed me. Talk about voluntary foot binding!

Flinthart said...

Melbourne. You need to take a trip to Melbourne. Melbourne always has boots.

Not Sydney. Sydney has fetish boots. Melbourne just has boots.

LERMONTOV said...

Be sure to post photos of the result!

Nautilus said...

Uamada, you seem a little bit TOO much of an expert!

Look it's all too hard. I think you should just give up and buy me a present instead.

If you are determined to have the boots then FH is right Melb is the go. Send me the cash and your size and I will buy you a pair. Although I may not find any first shopping trip, so I will just hang onto the money until I do.

boldstar said...

hey just accidentally come across your blog

the best place is to go to David Jones DFO in Gold Coast. This past few months most of the boots in-stores are fark me boots with bells and bull dozers for soles and heels. So the classy pairs are often discarded to the warehouses.

however its not guaranteed that your size is available. But they are displayed well in boxes not some tresles at Myer that come noon lunch time every Imelda wannabes from Ipswich to Nananngo converge like flies to a dried fish.

Bondiboy66 said...

My good lady wife found a pair similar to what you describe a few months back in Sydney. Imported, made in Italy, and for once they were her size and fit (she finds buying shoes very difficult due to style and/or shape - her feet have the mark of years of competitive running you see). So she bought them. I can't remember the price, but when she told me the next few minutes are a blank, and I came to with her trying to revive me...

bangarrr said...

The last pair of boots (non work) I bought I had made for me in Bali ... fancy a holiday as well?

Steve said...

A Russian Spy without tall leather boots?

The horror!

I am glad to see the Blogosphere has rallied to your aid.

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

STEVE: And still without them! Three days of hunting them down in Brisbane and nothing to show for it! Maybe the boot gods are trying to tell me something.

BANG: To Bali? Oh no my friend...would they make them in Prague you think?

BONDI: Ha! Hope you got some mouth-to-mouth!

BOLDSTAR: We hi there! Thanks for the heads-up...I was filled with hope when I entered DFO at Brisbane airport yesterday...twelve shops later...NOTHING! I found the perfect pair - BUT NOT IN MY SIZE!!!! ARGH

NAUT: You are a selfless poppet! Love ya guts!

LERM: That day could be a long time coming. I have scoured Carindale, Garden City, Indooroopilly, Stones Corner and the DFO. NADA!

FLLINT: I may be forced to do that...least they have the weather to warrant having them in stock for longer.

yankeedog said...

You task me, Natalie.

So, what you're looking for in actuality are boots that are made for walking. Yeh, I can see you singing the following:

You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'
And now someone else is getting all your best
Well, these boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
What's right is right but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

LEADBREAK

You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing
And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I've just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

SPOKEN

Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin'

Nancy Sinatra. Somewhat before your time.

Reckon you're right-I do latch to songs.

Barnesm said...

I agree with FLintHeart, come down to Melbourne

Abe said...

YEAH

Boss Lady would be able to help if you came down this way too.

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