Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Monday, May 18, 2009

UGG BOOTS AND BEANIES

Well the house is finally under contract and fingers crossed will be sold for only $5000 less than what I felt it was worth. Anyway, I was sitting out on the patio last Saturday night when I heard the whine of super-modifieds in the distance and decided to do something I've always wanted to but never have: spend Saturday night at Archerfield Speedway!!! It was everything I expected: loud, dirty and mullet-infested. The track has this rough clay surface and is tilted like a bike velodrome. The only thing between you and the track is a metre high fence and about fifty feet of caged wire. Upon entering the first thing I noticed was all the grannies in fold-out chairs, scarves and goggles but I promptly stopped sniggering when I realized the eye-wear wasn't just for show...the hillside was littered with speedway virgins like myself: all desperately rubbing the dirt kicked up by the cars out of their eyes. But it was a helluva lot of fun. Watching the V8s at Indy on TV is nothing compared to the excitement of watching a bunch of jalopies slowly lapping in formation and then suddenly roaring into life. Three laps in and a handful of cars came-a-cropper on a tight bend and I watched one of them break free and soar sideways into the air no more than fifty metres in front of me!!! Then the gargantuan monster trucks bounced out and wrought havoc on a collection of 'retired' vehicles...fark me...apparently each tyre is six grand to replace and the nitrogen gas suspension a cool 40 grand...and here I was thinking the Commodore bled me dry. So anyway folks it's finally official...I AM BOGAN...HEAR ME ROAR!

26 comments:

Bondiboy66 said...

I used to love going to the old Sydney Showgrounds Speedway when I was a kid - although that was all bikes not cars. And monster trucks hadn't been invented. A truly bogan-packed event, even in the deep dark 70s!

Alas Sydney Speedway is no more, not the old showgrounds. Not since Bob Carr GAVE the bloody lot to Rupert Murdoch for his Fox Studios project...like he needed the charity handout. Now It has a growers market on the side at weekends, and a big grassy patch plus a few other things scattered about. Still, the odd flashback to when I was a kid comes easy there.

Havock21 said...

aerials x 3 at least and a bull bar of sorts, lst not forget the CAT mudflaps..then, and only then, my learned padawan, will you be a true, feral master.LOL..hey spanky. goo ta se ya

Nautilus said...

Good luck with the house.

I am jealous! I am a motorsport nut, but have never been to the speedway. Then to get monster trucks thrown in!!!! I have had dreams of a night like that!

Dr Yobbo said...

Haven't been to the speedway since the almighty Mr Modified series on a Saturday night at Grafton Speedway. But have gone karting at the track next to Archerfield (a'ight but not as good as the one down at Kingston - bigger track, faster karts, self-restarting when you spin the fkrs) and of course have gone silly at Indy quite a few times!

Crash could have been a lot messier - Nascar at Talladega style! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDUDd-sTwws

Great to hear the house sold and you're back on deck.

LERMONTOV said...

You've almost inspired me to go - sounds interesting at the least. Congrats on the house sale - and good luck with the move

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

YOBBO: Impressive flip into the wall that one! You gotta admire how the others avoided the wreckage. As for Kingston Park Raceway...I haven't been since they've improved the hardware. If my memory serves me correctly last time I was there the fuel line in my cart was dodgy and my helmet smelt like cheese.

NAUT: Man I am sorry to hear that...you Southerners have too much kultcha and not nuff grunt!

HARRY: Hey man! Good to see you too. I bow to you Oh Great Feral Master.

BONDI: That is truly sad! What do fully sick car fiends do for kicks down there?

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

LERM: You could always Grab-a-Granny.

Moko said...

G'day Nat!.

Always loved the Speedway. Haven't been for years.

Big Bad Al said...

G'day Nat. Good to see ya again.

You need those goggles with the peel of lens protectors.

So you are going to be moving from Archifield to Kingston?

chazfh said...

Good news on the sale Nat.

sounds ok but then a bit tame to the uphill climbs and landrover test I used to attend with friens and family. I'm just no a bogan i suppose.

bangarrr said...

Hey congrats Nat, my place should settle tomorrow finally. I hope you have none of the troubles I had.

abefrellman said...

Congrats on the sale.

Here's some goggles that come in handy for chopping onions too!

http://howtoshuckanoyster.com/2009/05/17/cry-me-a-river/#comment-279

Flinthart said...

Bwaahahahahaaa! Oh, cool. I've never been to a speedway night... probably wouldn't survive the experience. I doubt I could blend in effectively, and I don't suppose I could kill more than thirty or forty of the buggers before they finally Bogan-wave-attacked me into extinction. Not that I've got anything in particular against the breed; I've got some very good friends who wear the mullet proudly. Just that when they get together in a pack, somehow I seem to rub them the wrong way...

Six thousand dollar tyres? Fuuuuuck.

Luck with the house, by the way. In the current climate, coming out $5000 under is actually pretty good.

yankeedog said...

Hey, Nat.

Good to hear about the house. Given the economy, I'd say you done good only being down 5k.

In honor of your newfound bogan-ness, I'll send down a Confederate flag for ya's. They look good as a wall decoration, or as a living room curtain, or just hanging on a flagpole when you go to the combine demolition derby. Nothing screams 'Dueling Banjos' like a beat-up Deere combine running over an old Case or Allis-Chalmers machine in front of a throng of characters. :P

Steve said...

Look at it this way, the shortfall on the house couldn't even get you a monster truck tire. ;) Good luck, hope the contract goes through smoothly.

Years ago, I went with a friend to the local dirt track (it was also clay), Dixie Motor Speedway. We sat in a corner grandstand, the "non-family" one, where beer was allowed, all of it in cans (bottles make dangerous weapons when thrown onto the track). All the dust went our way as they went around the corners.

At the end of the night was a demolition derby, but not a normal one....they just ran around the oval track, smacking into each other, kind of like the ending of The Road Warrior. It wasn't anywhere near as good as a normal demo derby, or as scary as a figure 8 demo derby.

Anneal said...

good to read ya still breathen nat! Congrats..

Domestic Daze said...

You got to love this part of Brissy, such colourful folk, and Archerfield is a great place to go to.
Good luck with the move.

Barnesm said...

Yes well done on the house, you do write it so invitingly that I wish I had gone when I lived in Brisbane.

I will just have to settle for watching 'Top Gear' on SBS.

Bondiboy66 said...

Car speedway loving bogans can go to the truly ancient Parramatta City Raceway I believe Nat. Never been there myself - as I say I liked the bikes (especially the sidcars) when I was young, and the Showground was about 10 minutes from home.

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

BONDI: Always wanted a ride in a sidecar.

BARNES: You're too kind. I love it when Top Gear hangs it on the Russian Lada.

DD: Definitely no airs and graces out that way baby!

ANNEAL: Yup. Still here. Though it's becoming clear that if you're not on the net you may as well not even exist!

STEVE: Many cans were consumed that night my friend.

YANKEE: Oh yes the confederate flag...seen a few of them in sticker form on the back of Caddies.

FLINTHART: You laughing at me? Hmpf. I'd pay big bucks to see you 'rub up' a bogan or two.

ABE: Hi man! Sorry again about not being able to meet up when you were in Brisbane.

BANG: Sorry to hear about that. I'm not getting my hopes up yet...building inspection this Thursday.

CHAZ: 4WDs? Mwahahahahaha

BBA: Oh no. Probably Yeronga.

MOKO: Hey yourself!

NowhereBob said...

Back in my on Camera days I went to the WinterNats (Nice of them to name an event after you) out near Amberly. The Drag Racers were The Loudest Thing I have ever experienced. I've been in a variety of heavy industries, I've worked Rock Gigs, I even stood beside a Jet turbine on a test bench once- nothing compared to the Dragsters.

As for the smash 'em derby, the best I ever covered @ the Yandina Speedway was the caravan event, where each vehicle towed a real live (well old & rooted) caravan. Given my personal hate for all caravans I cheered & cheered & cheered. Perhaps not the "Professional detachment" a member of the news media should show, but everyone of those bastards destroyed was a personal victory to me.

Good to read you back & well done on the house- all that reno effort paid off. Well, you get half of the benefit, maybe a third after Mr PNB's professional ilk get their chop.

Steve said...

I worked security for concerts, and have never heard anything louder than the V8's in the Indy Racing League, thus have never had any interest in the drag races, would not want to see anything louder than IRL.

Confederate flags on Caddies? That's something you'd never see here in the South. Nat, if you want one (or several) for the back of your Toyota, let me know. I'll send you enough to wallpaper with, they're plentiful here.

abefrellman said...

It's ok - in the end I had zero unaccounted for time, so probably wouldn't have been able to catch up anyway.

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

ABE: All work and no play. *sighs*

STEVE: Oh no Confederate flags for me love. Wouldn't want to attract any big hairy Harley riders.

BOB: Effing real estate commisions...dailylight robbery!...would love to see some caravans turn to scrap...I spent every September holiday in one as a child...hate 'em...I mean HATE!

Steve said...

How about a t-shirt that says "American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God"?

Anneal said...

Well geeezzz...give Me your number..I'll call ya. (It might be at your 2 in the morning though..lol)
A

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