Thursday, May 21, 2009
It’s considered quite the norm amongst Australians to partake in a daily cold beverage or two. In fact, most of us refer to five pm as beer o’clock. Fortunately, I no longer drink in public in the interests of self-respect, unless of course it’s a few at a restaurant or wedding. You see, spirits tend to make me black out and go silly. By about the fifth drink, the sugary goodness is starting to be consumed at a much faster rate than can possibly be metabolized and pretty soon, I’m loud and obnoxious and making a bloody fool of myself. It's quite possible for me to physically function for the rest of the evening but then the next day I wake with no memory of prior events. I’ve lost hundreds of dollars in poker games this way! I’ve had to give up spirits in public for my own personal safety more than anything. It’s not usually a good idea going empty-handed to a poker game in the wee hours with complete strangers. I've had enough of that action. These days, I’m the dull one in the corner clinging desperately to a warm beer and pretending not to people watch. This leaves me with the drinking at home option and all of its inherent dangers. Drinking alone with communication technology is a recipe for disaster my friends. Believe me, a stray drunken thumb and a mobile phone are powerful weapons indeed. All technology should be strictly quarantined for the duration of the aforementioned binge. You see it is my belief that alcohol unleashes a toxic worm that is responsible for all the stupid things you do when drunk. A popular theory exists that alcohol reveals your innermost repressed desires and urges; but I beg to differ. I believe that buried deep within every cerebellum is an evil brain worm that bears no relation to your good self and if left unchecked, will emerge to wreak all sorts of havoc...uninhibited discussions with estranged relatives...bitchy remarks on blogs...stray cryptic text messages to people who have slighted you. It’s a world of hurt when booze and electronics combine forces. The immediacy of the medium is the real downfall. The usual editing software one employs during conversations in the daytime seems to malfunction when one has had a few and inevitably, people get hurt. Care to share your most shameful, drunken mishap?