Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

NAT THE TOOLBITCH

Here I am. It's me Nat. Just in case you forgot. Rong time no rite uh? Well...you get that. It's quite amazing what you can achieve when you put the mouse down. The house is up for sale so I'm tackling all the jobs that have been steadfastly ignored over the years. I've taught myself to plaster and can now tell the difference between an orbital and a belt sander. I can wax lyrical about the merits of coarse versus medium sandpaper. I've wheelbarrowed and shovelled a truck load of cypress bark into the garden beds and slashed through the forest out front with the best gardening tool ever: the HEDGEHOG. Yeah baby yeah! Recently, gap filler and a nifty little paint edging tool have become my new bestest friends. Bunnings wets itself when it sees me coming. Seriously, I think I missed my calling in life. I'm just loving big sweaty bloke jobs. Told you I was goddamn She-Man!

28 comments:

MrScribbler said...

Wooohoooo!

Sounds like a prime-time TV series to me! Who needs Bob Vila?

jennicki said...

Yaaaaaaaaay! So glad to have you back, Nat!!!

I'm not at all surprised at your home improvement talents. You should host your own show ala Tim Allen! :D

Nautilus said...

I echo Jen, yaaaaaaaaaay!

I have to finishing digging up the sewer pipe at my place, can you come around and finish it for me. There's a slab in it for you!

Guru Bob said...

Yep - yaaayyy here too.

Can we get photos of you in the backyard wearing stubbies and a singlet as well?

Therbs said...

You bin workin' hard there Nat. Hope it pays off. I recommend beer for post work relaxation.
Next, you'll be watching NRL games and driving a ute. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

LERMONTOV said...

Good to see you back! I've come to consider Bunnings a restaurant - I can never drive past one without picking up a snag & onions. Best of luck with the house sale.

Nautilus said...

Lerm, I have been known to drive to Bunnings on a Saturday purely to acquire a couple of sausages.

Dorrie said...

well, hello there stranger!

Nautilus said...

Did you see the newpaper article about the couple that decide to make a sex toy out of a sabresaw which bears some similarity to a hedgehog. It didn't end well when the blade cut through the rubber sex toy they attached to it.

It's true, here is the link http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,25175480-13762,00.html?from=alpha_rss

Domestic Daze said...

Hi Nat, finally!

Good to hear you getting some much done. It feels great when you achieve your goals, today Bunnings, tomorrow the world!

hughesy said...

Yeay! Nat's back.

Chainsaw. You need a chainsaw to make the pleasure of boofy boy jobs complete.

I'm only lurking at the moment till I've finished the contract I'm on. Arggghh the shadow of the looming deadline approaches!

abefrellman said...

Hooray! Welcome back! Geez I've missed you.

Big Bad Al said...

Yea, Nats back. Good to see ya again.

uamada said...

I too must wave my arms about in joy on seeing a new natv post.

Bondiboy66 said...

I'm going to join the conga line of loons jumping to welcome you back Nat!

Havock21 said...

YEAH!...FUCKING BANZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!,
Bounce. Bounce..bounce...bounce..

good to see you. Tools, OMFG, Can I give you tools. Hey, PETROL, anything that is PETROL and requires two hands is a good start. OH, and go get ya self a 9 inch grinder, for no other reason than to star the fucker up...feel it pulse in your hands..OH YEAH BABY.

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

Aw man!...feelin' all warm and fuzzy...yeah...warm and furry and fuzzy and..and..and....white balls of light....

Steve said...

I too was going to suggest you give Nautilus a hand with his trench. Like most men, he refused to stop and ask for directions as he was digging, so clearly he needed a woman's help.

But then I got distracted when I read the farking article about the Maryland woman who used a saber saw with a sex toy. I am honestly worried that such a person lives within 700 miles of me. I might catch her stupid.

Nat, know what's an even better gardening tool? A chipper/shredder. The single coolest (and most frightening) thing my parents ever gave to me.

Simon said...

You haven’t lived until you’ve had a hedgehog.

brian said...

A woman who can use tools . . . .mmmmmm . . . .toooools . . .

MickH said...

oooh! lookout Nat! You've gone and gotten paint on ya screen!

drej08 said...

All is good with the world again !

bangarrr said...

Good luck with the house Nat.

NowhereBob said...

Add my wohoo to the general meriment.
Welcome Back Nat.
*Doing sad little turtle dance*


After an unfortunate incident with Christmas lights & a mower, SWMBO had her petrol / power tools authority revoked.

Umm, no easy way to say this but.
A mate of mine fusted his breckle for 4 months reno-ing prior to selling his house (long pause) for 15 grand less than he bought it for.
Oh how cruelly we laughed.
And still do.

NATALIA THE RUSSIAN SPY said...

NOWHERE: Ah never fear my friend under the shell...I don't intend on over-capitilising this joint!

BANG: Thanks buddy. It's a bit sad having to go back to renting.

DRE: You're too kind!

MICK: Painter's tape is another one of my bestest friends buddy!

BRIAN: Yeah tools are way sexy man.

SIMON: I won't tell anyone if you don't ;-)

STEVE: The chipper/shredder sounds AWESOME!

HARRY: A nine inch grinder you say? Stop talking dirty!

BONDI: Love ya guts buddy!

UAMADA: I love it when you put your hands in the air like you just don't....errr...sorry about that. You know I'm apt to segue off to really bad songs.

BBA: Missed ya sweets.

ABE: You're a doll!

HUGHESY: Hey thanks for dropping in when you're so busy love!...chainsaw?....yikes...I guess as long as I stay off ladders it'll be OK. hehehe

DD: Welcome babe!

NAUT: JESUS! If the woman needs that much vibration she obviously isn't doing it right...and I hear you about the snags. If I have to go back a second time for something I've forgotten it takes a lot of strength not to go a second helping...I'll do the sewer for two cartons of Cooper's Sparkling Ale buddy!

DORRIE: Hey babe!

LERM: If I could just get them to put them on rolls instead of thin white bread...I'd be in heaven.

THERBS: There's nuffin' wrong wif dat! Had a drive in a Mazda BT-50...awesome trucks! SNORT

GURU: I'll see if my assistants can help me with that request this weekend!!!

JEN: Love you to bits girl!

SCRIBS: Doesn't Bob Villa say...if she doesn't find you handsome may she at least find you handy? DAMN...I LOVE THAT!

bangarrr said...

Your right NAt, that's not good.

brian said...

Nat's good. Multitasked the friggin lot of us.

Uhhm? Can I see the inside of your toolshed?

Steve said...

Nat, this is pretty close to what I own:

http://www.stripersonline.com/surftalk/attachment.php?attachmentid=98649&stc=1&d=1201141046

It is indeed awesome, and my neighbors envy me. It's not as cool as the ones the power company uses to trim the trees away from power lines, but if I was motivated enough, I could easily stuff Steve Buscemi into it (if any blank stares, I recommend watching Fargo).

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