Scratching my own funny bone for shits and giggles. Lampooning books, music and being a single woman over 40. Recording observations with an almost Seinfeldian obsession for the minutiae of life. Things can get sweary around here. You understand.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

FORTY AND FORGETFUL

The man with the three legs and a wobble board. Sicko!
I’ll probably get raked over the coals by some do-gooder for admitting this but I don’t buy music anymore. A few years back I went nuts on shareware sites and have all the music I need sitting on my hard drive. So it was with great trepidation that I found myself in a music store purchasing a CD for my daughter recently: something I hadn’t done in a very long time. She normally downloads her music too but this time she wanted the real thing. The Mini-Spy sends me on this mission armed with the title and artist and even played the song to me several times so I’d get it right. However, upon entering the store I realized I’d left the piece of paper at home and completely panicked. You might know the symptoms yourself. As you approach the shop with the song in your head, no sooner are you in the door than…blank. Not only have you forgotten the song, but the whole history of contemporary music flees your mind quicker than that quadratic equation did the day of your high school maths test. Your chest tightens, your eyes roll back in deep concentration and you pathetically try to hum the tune out loud. To your fellow shoppers it appears as if you’re having a stroke, but no…you’re in the grip of something far, far worse: you've become Forty and Forgetful; a random affliction that can strike even the most innocent. By now the 20 year old behind the counter is staring at me in a horrified fashion because she knows what’s coming next. ‘I’m looking for this CD. It’s got these long haired guys with masks on it. You know the video with the goat’s head in it and the chorus goes…and then you do it, you overstep the mark and sing straight in her face. Her look is priceless. Becoming annoyed that my impression of a goat being hot-waxed has not reminded her of the latest Slipknot album, the hunter-gatherer instinct kicks in. Damn it, you think, I’ll just start with ABBA and keep going until I find the bloody thing. By the time you’ve flicked your way through to Iron Maiden you've got blisters on your fingers, your eyes glaze over around the Billy Joel section, you frighten a small child by holding up Robert Palmer and claim ‘I lost my virginity to this song!’ and by the time you hit the Zs you’ve been beat. You’ll buy just about anything, which is, coincidentally, how Warren Zevon managed to maintain a career after ‘Werewolves of London’. I know I’m not alone. Look amongst your CDs and look into your hearts people. Were you in full possession of your faculties when you bought the best of Air Supply? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It can be cured. The electrodes hurt at first but no more than the chorus of ‘Making Love Out of Nothing At All'. Sure we’re the lucky country...but as folk gather around the bargain bin to dig their way through one hundred copies of the ‘Best of Rolf Harris’ you have to ask: just how bloody lucky are we?

14 comments:

jennicki said...

"By the time you’ve flicked your way through to Iron Maiden you've got blisters on your fingers, your eyes glaze over around the Billy Joel section, you frighten a small child by holding up a Robert Palmer CD and claim ‘I lost my virginity to this’ and by the time you hit the Zs you’ve been beat."

Classic Nat. I LOVE it!!!

Nautilus said...

I just use the usual male technique for things we don't want to do. The first time my wife asked me to buy her a specific cd, I just brought something that sounded kind of similar and she has never asked again.

I can understand losing your virginity to a Robert Palmer music video, but the cd???

MrScribbler said...

I actually lost my virginity to a member of the opposite sex. Losing it to a CD just seems so wrong, somehow....

Therbs said...

I lose shopping lists all the time which is why I've ended up with two hundred packets of muesli, fifty tins of tuna, a dozen cases of beer, a packet of jelly crystals and a hundred litres of UHT milk.
I never, ever bought that Air Supply album.

Barnesm said...

Its this year I have decided I will never buy another music CD but only download. Same with books, this is the last year I will buy hard paper books preferring my media electronic.

I fear this will not prevent purchasing musical atrocities as I have in the past. Just easier to erase them.

If I wait long enough I seem to hear the music I bought as a yonungster reprised by contempory artists anyway.

Wonderful to have you back pasoting Nat.

Why does the date on your post read March 10, surely it doesn't take a week to post an entry, though I recall you do reside in Brinseyland so things go a might slower up there.

YsambartCourtin said...

If you downloaded an .mp3, the format would still be valid and you could play it on modern players. If you had attempted to use any of the commercial methods except for the Itunes store, it would be lost to you and nearly impossible to play.

YsambartCourtin said...

I forgot to say - downloaded it in 1994.

Bear said...

Um, nerd guy here. I couldn't listen to music and shag at the same time. It broke my concentration. I wanted to make the most of my 3 minutes. :)

Domestic Daze said...

How true, the whole "this is the song I (whatever) to!"
Unfortunately getting nostalgic is what ended up with me and about 10 gig of music, all mixed up and me spending nearly a long as I used on a music shop trying to find something.

bangarrr said...

Good to see you back Nat. Must say I haven't bought a CD for a while now but then again the CD rack I built holds 600.

Bondiboy66 said...

Naaah I don't buy cds either. I'm liking podcasts at the moment, my current fave is 'RadiOblivion', its all sleazy garage punk, REAL R+B (not that modern shite called 'R+B), rock and roll and assorted wierdness. And best of all for the financially challenged, its FREE! And I get exposed to stuff I'd never heard before. Cool!

Steve said...

The last CD I bought was the Def Leppard "Rock of Ages" greatest hits compilation. Last year. This was the first CD I bought in about 5 years.

Therbs, is that really what happened, or are you using that as an excuse for actually buying into the whole Y2K panic? Do you also have a 50 gallon drum of potable water in your home?

Anonymous said...

Hehe Robert Palmer!

GOLD Nat!

Abe

ps -b +/- (b^2 - 4ac) /2a


(I'm only 39.5!)

Anonymous said...

Me, I'd have to say I've a foot in both camps here. Downloads are great for the obscure stuff that you just know you're hardly likely to find in the local store ('specially in a one horse town like Broome), which would cover a fair proportion of my tastes anyway.
Though there is something to be said for taking home a brand new CD - funny you should mention Iron Maiden - picked up their new album just the other day, over an hours worth of glorious new Maiden gold, with the cover featuring the latest incarnation of Eddie in all his magnificence. Now theres a feature you don't get to appreciate with a download...
And theres plenty a good deal to be had shopping the bargain-bins at CD stores these days!
drej

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